"90 percent of my time is spent on 10 percent of the world."Colin Powell
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Don't Be Afraid of her Hoo Hoo: How to properly eat your girl's vagina
IntroductionThis article is for members who want learn how to properly eat a woman's vagina, or who've heard that it might not be all that bad to put their face down there, and for women who want to get their man to eat them period, improvement in ...
To Diet or not to Diet, that should be the question!
To Diet Or Not To Diet? That Should Be The Question!Diet information is everywhere. In advertisements, on TV, in magazines; the bookstores are crammed with books on many different diet options - The South Beach Diet, The Atkins Diet, Weight Watchers, The ...
Ways to find out the sex of you unborn baby.
What could be more fun than trying to guess the sex of your baby-to-be? Everyone wants to get in the game Don't be surprised if someone you've never met stops you at the supermarket, offering a prediction of your baby's gender.For hundreds of years, ...
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I grew up yearning to be my Barbie doll. Had my wish been granted, I'd measure 36-18-33. With a foot-long neck.
As a budding teen, the only curves I possessed were my eyeballs. Few foods met my taste standards and my poor mother had a wicked time feeding me.
Gradually, though, my menu expanded and my weight rose steadily. Too steadily. It didn't help that my Junior High friend made Twiggy look fat. Sharon had a tall, willowy body that no amount of fasting could imitate.
That didn't stop me from trying though. I launched my first real diet at 13 - old age compared to the newest wave of weight watchers. Though I don't recall the details of the "plan," I realize now that it marked the beginning of the end of my metabolism.
After depriving myself for a day or two, I resumed eating only to gain more weight than I lost. At that point, I panicked and started another diet. Thus began a double life, which saw me either starving or feasting with no happy medium.
As a young adult, I lived a Ho-Ho's throw from a sprawling supermarket. I was plump then and have a picture of my cherubic self in the kitchen. The cupboards in the background sported inspiring signs to prompt me to eat healthier.
Nevertheless, I strolled across the street one day and purchased a can of frosting. Then I stole back home where I devoured every trace of it. We're talking a month's worth of sugar in one coma-inducing sitting. Filled with self-loathing afterward, I tore my inspiring signs to shreds.
I suspected an eating disorder prior to that, but the Frosting Fiesta certainly drove home the point. Sweets weren't my sole downfall, however. I also bought into the chip theory that "no one can eat just one." Only I meant "bag."
Stepping into my bathtub caused a tsunami at times. And I'd outweigh my upright if not for the fact that I alternated binges with the current Diet of the Month. At those times, I counted carbs, calories and the days till I could pig out again.
I tried everything over the years. Remember the F-Plan Diet of the 80s? All that fiber helped me lose weight and feel good except for a shameful side effect. Now I know what the "F" stood for.
No matter which diet came down the pike, I was right there to greet it, the tune from "Rocky" playing in my head. "Gonna Fly Now" inspired Sly to shape up for three entire minutes and had the same effect on me.
Perhaps inspiration would've lasted longer if I had found a diet I could live with. Oh sure, some produced temporary success, but soon I'd hunger for real food and all was lost. Or, more accurately, gained.
Fast forward to middle age -- 47 to be exact. I woke up one morning, my waistline the size of a 50-gallon drum. Rolling out of bed, I repaired to the kitchen, where I found evidence of a late night feast.
No wonder I'm plump, I thought -- I don't even remember eating. A day of reflection convinced me that alcohol has done me no favors, and I vowed to give it up. For tips in that regard, read the book from whence this excerpt came. (Download "The Dine All Day Diet" from http://www.radarblipbooks.com.)
The two pounds that disappeared that week spurred me to continue, and I threw myself into diet research. One discovery I made was that most humanoids need 12 to 15 calories per pound to maintain weight, depending on activity level.
Okay, I said to myself, I always wanted to weigh a hundred pounds. Why not shoot for the moon, right? Since I walk a lot,
I multiplied that number by 15 for a daily total of 1500 calories. Not what you'd call Starvation Mode.
I also learned that frequent dining speeds up the body's metabolism. The article with that idea recommended three small meals and three snacks, but I figured the more, the merrier.
Letting hunger be my guide, I settled on 10 mini-meals per day. Three breakfasts, three lunches, three dinners and hey, how 'bout a bedtime snack. Doing the math, this worked out to 150 calories each. I went to great lengths to determine accurate numbers. One time I came "this far" from calling the Pope about communion wafers.
Meals often took the form of half a sandwich or a cup of soup. Gradually my list of choices grew as I altered recipes to squeeze the most taste from the fewest number of calories.
A good rule of thumb is that we should limit ourselves to fist-sized portions. Our eyes may covet more than that but our digestive system does not. Eating too much distends our poor tummy, which has to fight its way back to proper size.
This knowledge helped me measure servings by sight instead of weighing everything. Besides, how accurate is a kitchen scale that says, "Not legal for trade"?
Advance preparation was another key to success. To that end, I carried portable snacks while out and about, like bananas and crackers. Have Triscuits, will travel. On the home front, I kept sandwich fillings ready in the fridge. And I popped fields of corn and spiced it with taco seasoning.
Frequent eating posed no problem for me. As long as I finished my work, my boss cared not how often I snacked. One day he spied a number of empty wrappers in the waste basket. "I hope you don't think *I* ate all that," I said, knowing full well I had.
Eventually my food list and recipes filled a journal, which became a bible of sorts. If the house burned down, I'd grab that book even before my padded bra.
The beauty of the plan is that I never starved. Once hunger struck, I acted on it, secure in the knowledge that my metabolism would thank me. Hunger pangs are our body's way of saying, "Eat now or you'll be sorry." So I heard and I obeyed.
I assumed it was a fluke the first time I slipped into a Size Three. They must have mislabeled that sucker, I thought to myself. But then another one fit. And now I have a whole closet full of tiny clothes. Just like Barbie.
Of course, it took awhile. It wasn't like -- bang! -- I woke up one day twenty pounds lighter. Without a formal beheading. Instead, I lost a steady two pounds a month while eating often and increasingly healthier. It was all very gradual, which is how weight loss SHOULD be. I wish I'd learned the secret in my teens. Or maybe my twenties. Even my thirties would have been nice -- that pleasant era before the onset of wrinkles and facial hair. But I'm grateful to know it now: Small portions eaten ridiculously often = a slim, happy body.
This system will work for you, too. "The Dine All Day Diet" outlines a personalized game plan anyone can follow. Besides step-by-step guidance, it offers menu suggestions, fitness ideas that fit YOU, and plenty of laughs. Dozens of easy recipes with full-color photos bring up the rear. Literally. Download it now at http://www.radarblipbooks. com.
About the author:
Lois writes a weekly humor column for a dozen Great Lakes Area newspapers. For a good time, order "Now Jest a Minute" at http://store.fictionwise.com/servlet/mw?t=author&ai=16021&si=42.
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